she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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