i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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