Cold hands, warm shart.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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