mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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