I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
