I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize
