sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
The power of my boobs compel you
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Randomize
