I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
So much Jack, so little girl.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
