He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
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