Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
