what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
