Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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