You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
