the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
