I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
