dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
