she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
