good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Randomize
