Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
