Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
