I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
