On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
