Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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