I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
