my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Oh god it's open bar.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
