I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
