I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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