He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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