john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
