Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
