so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
