Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
