It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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