4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
