It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
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