I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
The struggles of a small town man whore
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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