I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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