There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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