i think my mom watched the whole time
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Why is there bacon in the couch?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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