how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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