i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
