Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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