heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
