i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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