Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
