He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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