he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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