Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
