i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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