Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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