I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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