So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
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