i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize