Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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