I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
