I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
