My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
