Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
