He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
