there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
