Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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