i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
