just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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