im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
