Sry I called you an 8
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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