Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Randomize
