LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
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Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize