That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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