matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
