she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Randomize
