I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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