i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
