Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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