rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Randomize
