I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
