I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I have already put on my inside pants.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
