I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
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