I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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